The Queen Mother has never really appeared to be someone who has lived an
overly extravagant life-style, whilst Princess Di may have spent a vast
fortune keeping her wardrobe up-to-date as she jet-setted around the world
living the life of extravagance, the Queen Mum can hardly be classed in the
same bracket and undoubtedly has never spent huge sums on such things as
gym club membership fees and colonic irrigation ( that's stuffing a hosepipe
up your a--e, ma'am ).So, how exactly has she managed to overspend by 130 GBP per day, day in, day
out, over the last 83 odd years ?
And don't forget that this is money on top of what she gets from the Civil
List; 643,000 GBP per annum.
Whilst the unemployed, single parents, pensioners, the disabled and sick are
expected to live on a sub-one hundred pound income per week; Her Majesty is
coolly, and regularly, blowing in excess of two grand of someone else's money
over the same time period.
A demand for a minimum wage of 3.60 GBP per hour looks pitiful compared to the
equivalent, 325 GBP per hour ( if she worked a forty hour week ), which is
dripping through her royal fingers.
The important question must be, where is the money going ?
I don't see her belting around town in a souped-up Ferrari, funking it up at
the Hippodrome or even attempting to set new world records traversing the
globe in a hot air balloon.
Indeed, she only seems to make the rarest appearances these days, to collect
daffodils outside Clarence House on her birthday or to attend family church
services. The only extravagance she seems to indulge in is her love of horses.
The Sporting Life isn't that expensive, unless they do a special hand written
edition on paper pressed between the thighs of virgins just for her, and,
although owning race horses isn't cheap, it shouldn't be that expensive.
For a woman who doesn't carry a purse around in public, she certainly knows how
to spend her dosh.
The only conclusions there can be, is that someone in the royal household is
helping themselves to the contents of her handbag when she's not looking, she
has become a victim of scratch card fever or has got herself a fairly
expensive drug habit.
Wherever the money's really gone; I think we should be told.
And it would be nice to know just how many, "Dear Mrs Queen Mother, I regret
to inform you that you have exceeded your agreed overdraft limit and would be
grateful if you could make an appointment to see the Manager at the earliest
opportunity", letters she has received from her bank.
For millions of mere mortals, it's hard enough squeezing the bank to borrow a
couple of hundred quid to survive until next pay day. The Queen Mother seems
to have had no difficulty whatsoever.
Whether or not this is a case of, "Who you know", "Who you are", or, "What
you are", is difficult to determine. I would imagine that she was expected to
put up some security on a multi-million pound overdraft.
We will not be amused if it turns out that she's put Clarence or Buck House up
as collateral. Although watching the Royal family being evicted could be an
entertaining, news worthy event with an appeal to a great many people if the
bank were to call in the loan.
Perhaps she'll have to go for corporate sponsorship in order to clear her
debts; how the public would react to, "Welcome to Buckingham Palace - Where do
you want to go today ?", remains to be seen.
The Queen Mother is Dead. Long Live the Queen Mother
I have always been intrigued by the theory that the Queen Mum actually passed
away many years ago.
Whilst this isn't a popular theory, there are a number of factors which make
the proposition viable, or at least support the claim that the Queen mum will
never pass away.
The Queen Mother is the most popular royal by far, and has been for a
very long time. The collective despair over the death of Princess Diana is
nothing compared to that which would surround the passing away of the Queen
Mother.
Indeed, her passing away could have serious consequences when people start to
view the royal family without their beloved Queen Mum; their role and position
could be viewed as slightly outdated.
So, if she could be made to live forever, a major problem in their lives would
be instantly removed.
Of course, we know it is not possible to make people live forever and the
Russians, with a long history of wheeling out Soviet Leaders every May Day,
claiming them to be alive, never really fooled anyone.
As we approach the new millennium, we now have new technologies to hand and,
although it is not easy, there is no reason that the Queen Mother could not
be replaced by a robot.
Obviously we don't have all the technologies available at the moment but if we
were to slowly convert the Queen Mother, as technology advanced, then this
would be a slow and unnoticed transition.
It would certainly explain why the Queen Mother is in debt so badly; they
must be making her pay for her own hardware and software upgrades.
This process started a long while ago and has been slowly progressing. Both
hips have now been replaced; Robocop style. The minor problems
with installation have been neatly covered up by providing the Queen Mother with
walking sticks and putting her limited mobility down to old age.
Such technology is still, as can be seen, in its infancy but is proving to be
effective. The problems of power consumption has been cleverly overcome by
having the Queen Mother driven around in a small, slow moving buggy
which is fitted with numerous batteries and recharges the Queen Mum whilst
seated.
The familiar royal wave has been a godsend; extremely easy to replicate
using simple levers and pulleys it requires very little power. With a simple
neck motor and a nodding dog mechanism the head can also be easily and
cheaply controlled whilst recharging.
Walking does still use an awful amount of power providing limited range,
however, the short walks she undertakes are easily covered up with references
to her age.
As to how much more has been converted is hard to say; the cover stories that,
"The Queen Mother was rushed to hospital having swallowed a fish bone", wore
pretty thin after just a few repeats and updates to her technology now appear
to be done with much less publicity.
The increase in security around her also makes it difficult to get a close up
view; the only people who get to see her really close up, outside her immediate
family and technicians, are the children on her birthday and they are too young
to suspect what is going on.
Whether the replacement Queen Mother is more advanced than this is impossible
to say. If so, scientists have done a remarkable job.
The royal family, presumably aided by successive British governments, have also
done incredibly well at not letting the cat out of the bag.
A close call, a few years ago, when an Australian radio station announced the
death of the Queen Mum, must have caused considerable concern, however, the
rumour was stamped out over night and the story, the following morning in
the UK, was one of an amusing tale of incompetence at work. A superb piece of
media manipulation, carried off successfully without even requiring the public
appearance of the Queen Mum.
It is obvious that such a scheme calls for a sizeable conspiracy to be in place,
which is why the discovery of the Queen's medical records ( March 1999 ), along
with those of other members of the family, lying by the side of a road, causes
panic in those involved and the rapid disappearance from public gaze of such
documents.
It's not easy to see how long this conspiracy can hold out. Computer generated
images may be able to prove the Queen Mum exists but people are soon
going to notice that no one has actually ever seen her.
Although the technology looks good at the moment, we haven't seen it close up.
Finding her wearing an 'Intel inside' T-shirt would be marvellous but hardly
likely.
If rumours persist and an inspection of the Queen Mother is demanded; the royal
family may have no alternative but to power her down and hope that the secret
of her longevity is buried along with her, the rumours becoming forgotten in
the midst of fanatical mourning.
Some would argue that, if the assassination of Princess Diana can be so easily
covered up with a ridiculous story of a Fiat Uno, which can travel at
140 mph, the general public will believe anything they are told.
They could well be right.
The Royal Web
For further information on the royal family, its role, its income and other
fascinating insights to royal life; check out the firm's very own
web site at ...Why the royal family should have a government, .gov, domain name is an
interesting question; one perhaps which you will enjoy pondering over ?
