with old farmer Gilles
|
|
|
Letter from the country with old farmer Gilles | |
|
|
|
|
Re Cow TippingI be asking around these parts, being as there be the likes of who be knowing these things and the general hopinion is that this there cow tippen' be a load of Bullocks.
Firstly, cows ( and many other anamals ) don't normally sleep as deeply as we
do ( the dont rush around all day at work and then have to sleep off 5 pints
of beer ). They do sleep ( dose ) both standing up and laying down but can ( and
do ) hear the slightest noise. Cows are also very inquisitive and allways want
to know what is going on around them. From my experiance walking back late
from the pub across the fields ( and from others experiances ) walking through
a field of cows at night they are aware of you. Besides them there bloody
townes make so much bloomin noise as to wake the dead theys got no chance of
getting near a cow without dasy waking up.
Secondly ( its good this counting lark ), yours araverage cow ways over a
ton ( for a fully grown beef over a ton &a half ). 'ow the bloomin' hell yous
gonna tip that lot over. If its subconsous is clever enough to keep it standing
up while the brain is asleep its cleaver enough to know where its center of
graverty is and what is happerning to it. One guy said that he has got cows
to the ground before but they have been wide a wake and he didn't push them
he did it by twisting the neck, anyway he's an experenced herdsman and knows
how to do it. not like those there bloomin' townies.
Thirdly, Exploding?? My missus MariAnn ( I love 'er more then any pig ) spends
a lot of time with 'er hand up a cows bum for one reason or
another ( apparantly it's nice and warm up there ) and allthougth there is
allways an amount of s--t up there, cows dont store it up like we do they are
s--tting all the time night and day so the don't "build it up over night" like
we do. As for exploding, cows skin is very thick ( we use it to make leather
jackets out of ), any animal that rupctured is adbomen every time it received
a knock would have been extinct years ago... Now I must be off, there's some dung I've got to stand in.
Till the next time.. PS .. old jokes recycled: Knock Knock, Who's there? The Spice The Spice who ?
Thats Showbusness ... Whats fifty yards long and got now pubic hair? Front row of a spice girls concert.
Farmer Gilles mailto:Eeee mail, thats wot Postie brings in 'morning.
Went ther once, too crowded and the beer was P--s., p--sed that it be.
| ||||||||||||||||
|
|
First published sometime before Tuesday the 16th of November, 1999
Last upload was on Tuesday the 23rd of September, 2003 at 18:44:26 |
