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Coca-Cola, the paragon of capitalism, giant of globalisation, icon of all that
is America and, to many, the ultimate embodiment of untamed greed, is facing
acute embarrassment over the recall of its Dasani product in the UK.
Already under intense criticism for selling what is actually nothing more than
processed and treated tap water from Sidcup, Kent, it appears that the mighty
Coca-Cola corporation of America is incapable of even getting that simple
operation right. Tests on the product show that it contains more than the legally permitted level
of Bromate, a dangerous carcinogen. In a a cock-up perhaps not seen in the corporation's history since its
introduction of "New Taste" Coke, Coca-Cola have had no option but to recall
all 500,000 bottles of Dasani from shop shelves. Presumably the contents
of which will be poured down the drain. Which at least cuts out the middleman,
the consumer, from this monumental scam of profiteering.
This is not the first recall of Coca-Cola product to be undertaken, and it is
unlikely to be their last, but the damage done to Coca-Cola's image, in
relation to a product launched just a few months ago in the UK, could be
huge. Coca-Cola are already being seen by many as a laughing stock.
The company's seven million pound advertising campaign to push Dasani
took a huge hit when it was revealed that it was nothing more that "purified
tap water", and its connotations that "unpurified" tap water was somehow
inferior made it no friends in the water supply industry. It's latest
bungle - and that's an understatement - has done it no favours at all; people
are wondering, just how do you f--k-up tap water ? How can something that is
meant to be purified tap water be actually worse than the perfectly good source
ingredient in the first place ? Quite ironic really, but 'the suits' at
Coca-Cola will hardly be smiling with glee. Even a quick communal coke may not
be enough to calm the air. The Food Safety Agency says there are no immediate safety fears, and the
production of bromate is a by-product of ozonation when the water is
purified ( FX : Cue Laughter ), but my advice
for those in dire need of a watery drink is to stick with tap water. Why anyone
would even consider buying what is little more than that in a tarted-up bottle
and sold with a 'lifestyle image' is beyond me - How we laughed at the Trotters
when they bottled Peckham Spring Water, and yet Coca-Cola are doing just the
same. If it wasn't funny, we'd have to cry. Coca-Cola are charging 95p for
a half litre bottle of Dasani; the same amount of water costs them
0.001p to draw out of the Sidcup tap. Ironically, but quite disgustingly so, if water rationing is introduced into
Britain again, Coca-Cola's
bottling plant will be exempted, allowing them to sell back to the consumer
the very same tap water that they won't be able to get themselves and with an
enormously inflated mark-up, and we'll have little choice but to buy it. Is it
any wonder that even "right thinking" people are starting to realise that the
world of capitalism is completely f--ked-up ?
The old joke was that there was little difference between drinking Watney's
beers and making love in a punt - both are f--king close to water - but
Dasani takes the biscuit; it is f--king water. With a little "something
extra" in it which could probably kill you if you ingested enough of it.
And, as Groucho Marx asked, who wants to drink something that fish have sex
in anyway ? Perhaps I shouldn't take the p--s, but restrain myself until Coca-Cola do start
to offer a product involving urine extraction. Unfortunately for them, the "St
Michael" brand name has already been taken, but then again, they probably
wouldn't get that particularly British joke anyway. If production of 'Soylent
Green' is just around the corner; you can guess which company would be keeping
a tight lid on its "secret formula" - although "Pepsi are People; People is
Pepsi" has a much better advertising tag line ring to it ( remember; you heard
it here first ! ) We don't know what George W Bush thinks of Coca-Cola, but they gave him nearly
one million dollars to fight his election campaign. As a firm believer in
the American Market, globalisation, and world domination, I'm sure has has
kind words to say about such generous patrons. He says toe-may-toe, I
say tom-arto, they say tap water, I say illegal levels of prohibited
chemicals. Actually, Coca-Cola don't call it "tap water", but "pure" water. Given what's
actually in the product, that's what I'd call pure bollocks.
If profit pursuing pariahs can get it so badly wrong with tap water, just what
confidence can we have in those producing Genetically Modified foodstuffs ?
What is the next great disaster that American corporations are going to foist
upon the British Public ? Even water's not safe to drink anymore.
Thanks to an eagle-eyed surfer, The Big G,
and the exposure of his discovery on
El Reg!, we now know exactly what
girls can't live without ...  Dasani : Bottled Spunk ? I'm sure that everyone in the UK, except those who have lived very shelterd lives, knows that "spunk" has two very different meanings. Its use in double-entendre jokes is common, and one expects a company selling internationally to make an effort to ensure that they don't offend the locals in their advertising. It seems that Coca-Cola don't particularly care about ripping the public off by selling purified tap water at over-inflated prices, are incapable of ensuring that the process by which they carry out the purification works, are unable to perform quality control checks which stop contaminated products being sold to consumers, and they didn't even have the forethought of mind to check if their advertising campaign was suitable for a UK market. Coca-Cola have now removed their hilarious gaffe from their website's Flash animation, but not before they had once again made themselves a laughing stock in the eyes of the British consumer. It never rains but it pours. Some would say it couldn't have happened to a more deserving company. Pulling the plugAfter Coca-Cola's high profile battering in the UK, they have decided not to reintroduce the Dasani product in the near future.While expressing "full confidence" in the product - a rather stange sentiment when you've just had 500,000 bottles of contaminated water thrown in your face - Coca-Cola have also delayed launching in France and Germany, which were considered to be key European markets. How embarassing in the march for world domination in the supply of processed tap water. | ||||||||||||||
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| Confucius says, "Apple Pie is not of American origin" |
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First published on Saturday the 20th of March, 2004 at 01:59:16
Last upload was on Sunday the 2nd of May, 2004 at 17:20:27 |
