First we had the Millennium Dome, the largest tent and "white elephant" this
country has ever seen.Architecturally an interesting design, but unfortunately it's full of c--p
which hardly anyone wants to see, and it's unbelievable that the covering fabric
doesn't fit.
Not a brilliant start, requiring inserts to be manufactured to keep the rain
out, but an accurate prediction of its pathetic existence.
Then came the Millennium Wheel, or more correctly, the London Eye.
Unable to shake its "Millennium" tagline, and despite El Presidenté Blair
declaring it to be representative of all that's great about Great Britain, it
astoundingly managed not to open at the appointed time, having failed
fundamental safety tests.
And now we have the Millennium Bridge; an 18 million GBP, 320 metre,
architectural dream. The first foot-bridge across the Thames for years.
And was it visited by the Millennium Albatross ? Of course it was.
Dedicated by the Queen, rather than opened, because construction was running
late, when it finally did open to the public, it swayed so badly under the
weight of pedestrians eager to cross it that it was closed to the public before
a full week was out.
Brilliant. It makes one truly wonder about the state of engineering in the UK
today.
Not that all the blame can be placed at the feet of the engineers; the
architects, so ready to take the applause when things do go well, must also
take some responsibility for project failures.
And its no good project managers trotting out the old, "It's something new,
innovative, something we've never tried before; of course there's going to
be teething troubles".
Thank God they haven't built Millennium Towers or they'll be dragging crushed
and bent bodies out of the wreckage for days.
The Millennium Flyer would undoubtedly be the first train to attempt a channel
crossing without using the tunnel as it ploughs through the buffers at Brighton
Station.
I seriously recommend that General Motors don't introduce the Vauxhall
Millennium, not without including more air bags than cup holders.
What do these engineers mean anyway when they say there are always going to be
teething trouble ?
In this day of modern science, computer aided design, a history of successful
engineering construction to be observed and even the humble wind tunnel to lend
a helping hand, there's no excuse for failure so late in the day.
And it's not as if these projects have all been financed on a shoe-string.
Engineering has always had a bad reputation. As the poor relative of science,
there are no white coats, no Saville Row suits, just the enduring image of
some chap, boiler suit or day-glow jacket, covered in oil, sporting an inane
grin whilst clutching an insanely large spanner. Their latest exploits do
them no favours in dispelling this myth.
We don't trust so-called engineers when they tut-tut over our cars, we are
going to trust them even less when they, alleging they are some sort of
professionals, turn in offerings no better than the local cowboy.
The Millennium Bridge was constructed to link the North Bank of the Thames,
just down from St. Paul's, to the Tate Modern on
the South Bank.
It managed to fulfil its job for only a few hours before it had to close, a
very public humiliation.
Engineers have described its innovative design as requiring tuning; being akin
to a Violin string. Hopefully they don't mean that it could snap at any time,
most probably when it's being used the most because, unlike a musician who
knows exactly what the risks are, there isn't a spare on hand.
We must be grateful that the converted Bankside Power Station has been named
as the Tate Modern and not the Tate Millennium. Crashing to the ground and
sliding into the Thames would seem to have been its fate otherwise.
Thankfully it remains firmly fixed in place, providing an excellent vantage
point to look down over the Millennium Bridge which is proving to be an
interesting, if external, exhibit for its visitors.
Like any other work of art, it must be studied before its secrets can be fully
appreciated.
If you look closely, and use your imagination, you can see a deserted, rickity
bridge, three billy-goats Gruff and a Troll hiding under the bridge ... or is
it a burly engineer clutching a spanner ?
